Four rabbi walk into a bar, and wouldn’t you know it, the bartender is the Wheel of Ezekiel. The four rabbi are beside themselves. They struggle to believe what’s in front of their very eyes: a wheel with hundreds of eyes! They know full well it’s a sign of divine purpose seen by chosen ones and, what are the odds, here we are at a bar with four chosen ones.
“So, whaddre we havin’?”
The first rabbi rushes out of the bar and to the desk at his academic office. He intuitively understands the truths that have eluded him, ceaselessly writing page after revelatory page. His writings become important in Jewish theology, but he’s more commonly known for his best-selling books about his experience and life advice. He embraces life as a celebrity, with over a million followers on social media where he’s known as The Tzuleyger Guru. He pivots to being a TV pundit and has modest success on Dancing with the Czars (it helps to be one of the good ones.) He doesn’t spend much time with his children, but they will be taken care of financially, and this helps quiet his mind during a busy life on-the-go.
The second rabbi scoffs. “oh, okay, sure, the Wheel of Ezekiel, right here in front of me.” The Wheel isn’t in a place to defend it’s existence, so it listens to the rabbi finding faults in its immaculateness, fighting off the urge to roll its many eyes. “First off, these eyes. I don’t care how many ping-pong ball halves you glue on, this is a Muppet at best. Second, any person could see the fishing line holding up the Wheel if they looked close enough, which I will not waste a second doing. And above all, if the Wheel would appear in front of a worthy witness, I highly doubt I would be on that list.” The second rabbi leaves the bar waving at the presumed hidden cameras, then goes home where he will not shut up about the Wheel. When his family has had enough of his cynicism, he writes a strongly worded review online for the bar about his experience. It is regarded well, with over 10 thumbs up as of this telling.
Now, the third rabbi, the youngest of the four, is in a precarious position. He’s been advised to slow down his studies, strange I know, out of fear that he’ll lose himself in the mysteries. Think of it like the bends -- diving too deep into the secrets then yo-yoing back to the surface disorientates the uninitiated seeker. The third rabbi sees the Wheel, and just like the bends, he gets metaphysically over-nitrogenated. He flips a table and jumps out the window, going full cuckoo. He’s hootin’ and hollerin’ in the streets. A small crowd gathers, amused by his antics at first, but they intervene when he pours gasoline on the bushes and calls it a conversation starter. Given all this and his rapidly disappearing clothes, he was swiftly institutionalized. So focused he was on his studies before this, he had grown ungrounded and estranged from his friends and family, who barely recognized him. To be fair to his commitment, the mystic truths he writes are quite profound, though the hospital would prefer he used crayon and paper.
The fourth rabbi, seeing all of this, orders a beer. He drinks it slowly. On a cocktail napkin, he writes jokes for his daughter, for a dove, for all the stars above. They don’t all rhyme like that, thankfully, but there are few limericks snuck in there. He has a decent variation of style, not that form is the priority. They are not jokes written to be read or spoken. Other people’s opinions are far from mind, though he finds it cheeky when he catches one of the Wheel’s eyes peeking. I’m not sure these jokes are funny to be honest, but they are honest and that’s funny enough. He savors the last drops of his beer and goes on with the day, leaving a generous tip.
The bar now empty, the bartender looks at the clock on the wall and suddenly The Wheel of Ezekiel gets pissed. It’s many eyes narrowed, the Wheel shouts towards the backroom “Hey asshole! I was supposed to be at my eye doctor minutes ago! What’s taking so long!?”
From the swinging backdoor, woosh, out walks Vishvarupa, Krishna’s universal form featuring unlimited mouths, unlimited eyes, and unlimited wonderful visions, as once shown to the prince Arjuna.
“Sorry, I had something in my teeth.”